wOh sAaT dIn…..

If my memory isn’t acting up then I think you are the same Dhruv who was my senior in RPS, Chennai. I don’t know if you will remember me. My name is Anika and I was three years your junior in school. Nice to have found you on facebook. I see that you are now living in Delhi. I have just moved here and would be glad to have a known face around. Do drop in a line if you are the same Dhruv.

Dhruv sat at work reading this message and smiling that crooked smile of his. Of course he was the same Dhruv and yes he vaguely remembered Anika as well. He mentally made a note to reply after getting home and got back to his number crunching. Dhruv was an associate with a reputed financial institution in the capital. After having done his parents proud by graduating from some well reputed colleges he landed himself a plum job in Delhi. Dhruv was his own master and he loved his life and work. A workaholic who enjoyed the finer aspects of life as well. No one knew their alcohol and women better that Dhruv did.

By the time Dhruv decided to call it a day it was almost half past eleven and that meant that dinner would yet again have to be Maggi. He packed up his laptop and got into the cab, stopping on the way to pick up some beer, smokes and magi. He rented a place in central Delhi which was close to work. For a bachelor, Dhruv had managed to do up the place rather tastefully. A corner of his house was dedicated to music, his latest and most expensive acquisition were the Bose speakers that did wonders to any singers acumen, the well stocked bar at another end and the variety of books that lay strewn around ( even the strewn around books had some art to them).

Click…….click….clack…..the key was the only thing that made noise as he entered his house. With one deft movement he switched on the music system and let Parveena Sultan’s voice flow into the room. He quickly put the magi to boil and waited for it to cook while humming to himself. His phone suddenly beeped and startled him. It was an e-mail alert, he put it aside for later. He didn’t want to work until some food went into his growling stomach. Though not in two minutes, the magi was ready in five. He greedily ate it all up and let out a satisfactory burp. He would have certainly been stared at if he were to do this at home with his mother around. He grinned to himself at the thought of his mother.

Parveena Sultana gave way to Ghulam Ali and then to some Sufi classics. Dhruv continued sitting at the same spot and enjoying the music. He could spend hours listening to them. He suddenly remembered the e-mail that had come in. He got up from the comfortable bean bag to reach for him phone. As he opened his e-mail he started smiling again. This wasn’t any work e-mail. This was from Anika……..

Hi, since I didn’t get any reply from you I presumed that you are not the Dhruv I knew from school. But then I looked at your friends list and found many of the people I know from school on it and now I am sure you are the same Dhruv. My number is 9600323245. Call me when you read this so we can catch up. Bye.

Tum itna jo mushkura rahe ho……..kya gham hain jisko chupa rahe ho……. Dhruv checked again to see if he had the right number. “Hello”, said Anika almost catching Dhruv off guard. “ Hi, Anika. Hmmm this is Dhruv…. even before he could finish his sentence she had begun talking. “ Hi, Dhruv, i just messaged you on facebook giving you my contact details. Oh silly me, that is how you got my number and are calling me right? How have you been? Have you been staying in Delhi for long? Where do you live by the way, I stay in Lajpat nagar with another friend of mine”. Just as she stopped to catch some breath Dhruv chuckled and started speaking. “Well, you have bombarded me with so many questions, so let’s see. Yes, I got your message and hence am making this call to you. I am doing very well, thank you. I have been in Delhi for a little over a year now and well I live in Malviya nagar. How have you been kiddo? Also if the caller tune was something you opted for and wasn’t thrusted upon you by some gross mistake by the service provider then i must also say good choice in music”.

Before they knew it they were talking to each other like they had known each forever. Dhruv was working his usual charm and surprisingly this time there wasn’t any hidden agenda. He was merely being nice to a fellow RPS’ite. He learned that Anika had just moved into Delhi and was studying fashion at the fashion institute in the city. She was sharing a place with a fellow classmate and was comfortably settling into the routine. Almost an hour later, Dhruv decided to call it a night. They decided on meeting the coming weekend over lunch. “Good night kiddo, will see you around”, said Dhruv as he hung up.

Just out of curiosity Dhruv decided to go to facebook to check on how Anika looked after all these years. Thank god for wi-fi, thought Dhruv to himself. Gone were the days of dial-up connections. There were some million things that seemed to have happened on facebook since the last time Dhruv had logged on. ANIKA he typed into the search box and waited for her face to show up. He was a little disappointed when the display picture turned out to be a NO SMOKING sign. “Not a good sign”, Dhruv exclaimed aloud and instinctively picked up his smoke. He went back to sit on his bean bag and turned the music on. Soon he was fast asleep sprawled across the floor.

Before he knew it, the door bell was ringing and his maid was standing outside. “Kya, Bhaiya, aaj bhi aap idhar hi so gaye?”. “ Chai bana do jaldi se”, said Dhruv as he headed to the bathroom. Today was going to be a packed day at work with several meetings lined up. He was ready in no time and left for work. He was always the first one to come into work, often the last to leave as well. When nothing at home seemed inviting why go back early at all, was his logic. The week went well and Dhruv was happy with all the work that had gotten done through the week. It was Friday evening when he remembered his lunch date with Anika the next day. He was just wrapping up to leave when his phone beeped. He picked it up to find that Anika had messaged to confirm their lunch date for the next day. “ Hi Dhruv, just wanted to confirm our lunch date tomorrow. Have to tell the cook not to make lunch for me, so checking with you”, it read. “ Hey, Yes yes….. lunch is very much on. Will see you at around 1:00pm at Select City Walk. Does that work for you?”. He had just sent it when his phone beeped again, “ yes that works for me. Will see you there”. Anika had ended the message with a smiling face. “She certainly is a kid”, thought Dhruv to himself.

Friday nights were sacrosanct to Dhruv and his group of buddies. They all got together at Sports Bar and drank till they all passed out.  This Friday was nothing different; they all met up at around 9:30pm and were all on the verge of collapsing at about 3:30am. The only sensible thing they did was to have a designated driver who unfortunately had to bear the brunt of dropping these pissed drunk unruly men home. Thankfully this Friday was not Dhruv’s turn. Dhruv got home at 4:00amn and somehow sauntered into bed. Saturdays and Sundays the maid knew better than to come knocking at 7:00am. Dhruv woke up with the mother of all hangovers the next morning at 11:00am and went straight into the kitchen to make himself some coffee. He missed his mother’s coffee on days like this. He wished he was still living with all of them in Bangalore, but he also knew that his career would go nowhere if he had continued living there. He looked at the clock and remembered that he was to meet Anika at 1:00pm. He gulped down his coffee and quickly jumped into the shower. He emerged looking fresh smelling like a dream. He picked out a white shirt and blue jeans; he knew women loved this combination. He had been told so by many of his lady friends. He glanced at himself at the mirror and smiled, he seemed pleased with the outcome. He dabbed some cool water and left the house feeling strangely happy.

He reached the mall a little before 1:00pm and decided to walk around before Anika could join him. The mall seemed to be overflowing with families; maybe meeting her here on a Saturday wasn’t the best decision. As he wandered about he felt a tap on his shoulder and turned around to find himself staring at this round but pretty face smiling up at him. “Hi Dhruv, remember me? ,” she chirped. “Hey Anika, nice to see you”, said Dhruv and bent to give her a hug. “ Ya I know, it’s always nice to meet familiar people in a new strange city,” replied Anika. “So where are we headed for lunch in this huge mall?” she asked. Dhruv was so taken in on seeing her that he just kept looking at her. She was sweet looking; there was something innately innocent about her. He liked her almost instantly. “Why don’t we go have Chinese, they have a good place on the 3^rd floor”, said Dhruv. Anika just smiled and started walking towards the escalator.

The more he spoke to Anika the more he started to like her, and this liking was very different from what he ever felt towards all those other women he had dated over the years. The lunch that begun at around 1:15pm went on almost until half past three. The only reason they left was because they needed to shut the restaurant and the waiters were hovering around their table. “Would you like to join me for a cup of coffee?” asked Dhruv. “Before anything I need a smoke to settle all that food you just fed me Dhruv, said Anika. “ You smoke?” asked Dhruv with a rather bewildered look. “Yes, I do, is that a problem?, replied Anika. “ No no, just that it’s quiet contrary to your facebook profile picture, said Dhruv. “Oh so you were snooping around to see what I look like before we met is it?” she laughed as soon as she completed saying it. For once in his life he didn’t know what to say and just smiled at her.

He had seen women smoke before, but this was different. He was so attracted to her that he was surprising himself. Anika was not his type of women, she was everything opposite infact. She was chubby, short, a little too sweet for his liking and yet all he wanted to do was sit with her and talk. There was something sensuous about watching her smoke; she did it with such ease and panache. Bottom line was that he liked her. Coffee led to ice cream and then another coffee and before they knew it the sun had gone down and it was dinner time. “Why don’t you come by, we’ll order in”, said Dhruv. “Yes, that sounds good to me, that way I also get to see your place”.

“ WOW”, and you live alone and maintain this place like it is on your own, exclaimed Anika. The house always worked with all the women, but this one time it wasn’t about scoring any brownie points. He was genuinely happy when he heard her complement the house. “ Can I make you a drink? Or would you like a beer? ”, he asked. “ No, I shouldn’t be drinking, I need to get home soon, I have an early morning class tomorrow”, replied Anika.

Dinner consisted of a lot of talking, some good music and food that was hardly even touched by either of them. Dhruv insisted on dropping Anika back but she outright refused saying it didn’t make sense for him to come in a cab and then come back all the way. “I had a wonderful day with you Anika, we should meet again”, said Dhruv, yet again surprising himself. “Of course we will Dhruv”, she said just as she pressed the lift button. He waited at the door till he heard the lift reach the ground floor and then walked into the apartment that suddenly seemed so lonely without her. He waited patiently for her message saying she had gotten home safe and then curled up in bed and slept like a baby.

The next few days where just filled with excitement, they started meeting almost everyday, coffee, dinner, book stores, music concerts, movies or even if it meant just to share a smoke. He was besotted, he couldn’t put a finger on what it was and none of his relationships had ever lasted this long without some touch of physical intimacy. With Anika it wasn’t about sex, it wasn’t to prove anything. He just wanted to take care of her and be with her……probably forever. It had been 7 days of this heady feeling, of feeling like a teenager all over again. Dhruv couldn’t even remember the last time he felt that flutter when he saw a girl, those butterflies when you held someone’s hand for the first time. With Anika he wanted to feel all that and more.

The week had flown past and Dhruv couldn’t be happier about that the weekend being back. The Friday night routine was also back and Sports bar it was yet again. Dhruv was the designated driver for the evening and so stood with this iced tea while the others gulped down beer after beer. He was however too high on life for him to need any alcohol in the system. In between all the back slapping and jokes he saw her at the far end of the room. She was with someone; they were seated beside each other in a booth. Dhruv stared hard to make sure he wasn’t seeing things, it was her, there she was,  Anika, with another man. She was laughing that same laugh, and seemed as comfortable as she acted with him. And just like that, the man she was with kissed her, right there in front of everyone. Dhruv felt like he had been punched a million times in his stomach. He felt sick……

He turned away from his buddies lest they saw his blood drained face. He stood there wondering what he had done wrong. It hit him right then, she was merely looking for a friend in him. There were no signals from her, she never wanted anything more. He messed up, he fell in love……but just with the wrong girl…….

oNe FiNe NiGhT….

‘A’ is sitting on a bench, it’s a little past midnight….just takes out the cigarette to light it when ‘P’ comes and sits on the same bench at the other end. ‘A’ immediately looks towards ‘P’. ‘P’ seems oblivious of anything or anyone and is weeping, not hysterically but weeping nonetheless. ‘A’ isn’t sure of what should be done or said so just continues to light the cigarette…… After a few seconds………………

A: Hi. Are you alright? You seem lost to me…….

P: I’m alright ( looking with suspicion towards A) ( after looking for a little while realizes that A isn’t a bad person so smiles through the fat tears rolling down her pink rosy cheeks)

A: Hmmm… (twiddling his thumb, wanting to make conversation) So…

P: Can I have a drag please (looking towards the cigarette which A is holding in his hand)

A: Oh, ya sure…..

They sit in silence for the next couple of minutes, and the silence does not seem to bother either of them. To the contrary ‘A’ was enjoying this silence.

P: I wish I could drive and I wish I had a car…..

A: (immediately presumes she wants to be dropped home or something) I could drop you home, where would you like to be dropped??

P: (looks at ‘A’ and is thinking why all men are so dumb, why can’t a woman make a statement which has no meaning whatsoever) No I do not want to be dropped home or elsewhere, I was merely saying I wish I could drive and I wish I had a car. FULL STOP.

A: O.K (Little pissed)

P: (looking at the cigarette) Do you want to share the smoke or do you have another one on you?

A: ( looking all perturbed) I don’t have another one but that is alright, you can have this one. ( hoping and wishing and praying that she hands it over to him so he can take a drag)

P: (smiles) here you go, we can share it, I don’t have an issue with that.

Silence again which is broken by ‘A’

A: I come here often, I come here when I feel like I have nothing to do and there is no where to go. This bench might even have prints of my butt now, I come here that often.

P: You seem to be the lost one, you come here often and you said you come when you have nothing to do and no where to go ( sly grin)

A: When you say it that way……… well…………..

P: (laughing) this is the first time I am coming here, rather is the first time I am going to leave my butt print on this bench.

P: This place seems so alive even at this time insane hour, is it always like this, or is it because today is a Saturday night?

A: Saturday night syndrome, but even otherwise at any point of time at night you will most certainly find atleast 7 people here.

P: Why 7, have you counted???

A: Actually I don’t know why I said 7, it’s just a number which came to my head and then rolled off my tongue. (Looking confused with himself)

P: ( smiling that captivating smile of hers) So what is the degree of being lost today for you? What brings you to the bench ( making the ‘bench’ sound like some haven)

A: I was up watching a movie, then one by one my room mates starting falling asleep and ultimately I was left with no company and also I had run out of alcohol so decided to come here and smoke a cigarette in the hope that some sleep would come near me.

P: What movie were you watching?

A: ( unsure of whether to tell her the truth or not, then decided to be truthful) I was watching that Johar movie, I forget the name ( knowing fully well the name of the movie, screen play writer, actors and probably even the technicians) hmmm….. some Kabhi…. Something…..

P: Kabhi kushi Kabhi Gham……

A: Ya that one, was playing on Sony. My room mates were watching it so sat along with them.

P: Too much melodrama and tamasha in that movie, not something I would watch if given a choice.

A: Oh…… (not sure what to say, since he really liked the movie)

A: Do you watch many movies?

P: Yes, infact I do. I watch a lot of Korean movies infact. I feel they are made with such technical precision, is a treat to watch those movies. If you like cinema then you should probably watch a Korean movie sometime.

A: KOREAN?? You speak Korean?? (Looking very taken aback)

P: No No…. subtitles zindabad (smiling) I watch them only because they are so flawless, technically that is. Sometimes the story makes no sense but I still watch it for the sheer brilliance in cinematography.

A: Oh…. Ok…… for me movies are just a source of complete entertainment. Love the kind of movie where I can leave my brain at home and spend 3 hours laughing and crying and then once I am out of the theater just forget about it. Nothing more, nothing less. ( smiles at himself for making such a statement)

P:  Tea… do you think we can manage to get some tea at this time??

A: Ya I do, we’ll have to walk a little. Is that alright with you??

P: Sure is, what I am going to do is remove this useless stiletto which I am wearing and walk with you.

‘P’ removes her slippers, holds it in her hand and straightens her dress. Looks at ‘A’ and waits for him to get up. ‘A’ seems to be in shock and is wondering if all this actually real. ‘A’ gets up and starts walking.

P: I love the moon, it’s so pretty, isn’t it? Actually I’m not a fan of the full moon…. It’s that in between phase that I love looking at….. I love the moon because of the black spots in it, because it isn’t perfect. (Looking at ‘A’ to see if he is even following the conversation)

A: I never gave it much thought, the moon I mean. It’s up there and is there on most nights.

P: What do you like?

A: What do I like (looking completely lost and bewildered)

P: Ya, what do you like?  I like the rain, not when it is pouring but when I can almost count the rain drops, I love the wind also, love the feeling of the wind through my hair… I like cooking as well, especially when I invite people home. (Pauses to think) (Suddenly realizes that she is talking too much) (Looks at ‘A’ who is smiling at her)

A: Do you always talk so much? It’s nice; it’s nice listening to you. You can keep talking…. (After thinking for a second) if you want to keep talking that is.

P:  I have been told that I do talk a lot, doesn’t bother me. I like talking and as long as people around me are willing to listen I’m happy. (Smiling to herself)

A: You have pretty feet, I am not sure why I am telling you this, but your feet are pretty. Think it’s the shape, they are small and petite (looking down at her feet)

‘P’ is taken aback hearing this. No one has ever said anything, good or bad about her feet. She smiles.

P: Feet…. You like my feet. You know I don’t think anyone has ever paid so much attention before. I am just flattered in a strange way, flattered that you noticed my FEET….People usually say nice eyes, or nice hair or nice clothes or even nice body…. But FEET… I think I am in shock….

A: I must tell you that I have never noticed any girl’s feet before. I have no idea where that came from but trust me you most certainly do have pretty feet.

(They walk in silence again for a few seconds) (Both enjoying the silence)

P: You seeing anyone?? I don’t see a ring, but then I keep telling myself that this isn’t America where a ring is testimony to whether your engaged or married. We’ll never know here until and unless we ask……….. so are you?

A: Engaged no, married also no…… seeing someone no. What about you? Can I ask the same question of you?

P: In love.

A: Oh….. Good… good for you.

P: All you men…..

A: What do you mean all you men…

P: Ya, the minute love comes in everything becomes so complicated, atleast you make it that way. What is the big deal about me being in love? Why the sarcastic, good for you?

A: ( looking offended) SARCASTIC?? I was being as genuine as I could when I said good for you. Why construe things in such a manner. It’s a trait isn’t it?? This making up things in your head, all you girls do that. My ex did it all the bloody time and screwed things up. ( shaking his head furiously and walking ahead)

P: I’ve known you for what forty five minutes, I refuse to have a fight with you. So smile… ( almost forcing ‘A’ to smile)

P: Great I cannot believe I managed to pick up a fight with a complete stranger…. I sure am something.

A: hmmm it wasn’t entirely your fault I guess, so stop blaming it all on yourself. Anyway there is my chai wala. Chalo let me get you a good cup of chai.

(‘A’ walks towards the lady who is sitting on the pavement and making the tea. Asks for two cups of tea and picks up cream roll for himself for the tin box)

P: (Takes the tea from A’s hand and looks into it)

P: Milk tea, another first for me. I have never had milk tea. I am not sure why but have an aversion to milk you know.

A: Oh, I infact do not like tea in any other way. Would be like a punishment to have tea with no milk. Tea for me is milk and sugar and should be strong as well. You know what, try this tea and trust me you’ll be back here more often than you’d want to.

P: Now that you have recommended this tea so much I shall have it and then divulge my expert comments ( smiling all through the statement)

( takes a sip of the tea and continues to smile, if anything the smile just becomes wider and broader)

A: So…… am I right in presuming that you like the tea?

P: You 100% are. I like this tea, it’s nice and strong and has a perfect blend. Wow…. I am actually having tea with milk and liking it….. I am amazing myself tonight.

P: What’s your idea of romance, a man’s perspective I am looking for.

A: Romance, well I’d probably get her flowers, hold her by the waist when we are out together, say something sweet and even send that occasional out of the blue ‘I love you’ msg……

P: I don’t believe that

A: huh? Why not?

P: I get this feeling that you are a very romantic man, but maybe think that romantic men aren’t men enough. I might be wrong. Correct me if I am wrong here.

( ‘A’ stops walking and looks at ‘P’, looks at ‘P’ for long and then says…….)

A: I would woo the girl I was with; woo her in ways that would leave her spellbound. Romantic walks on the beach and candle lit dinners are all clichés. I would jump across all that and ensure that the girl I am with feels like royalty, feels like she is floating inside a bubble that would never burst. ( ‘A’ stops and looks at ‘P’ and smiles) I’m not very good at remembering dates but then I will do special things without it being any particular day.

P: All of you say that, I don’t see anything productive coming out of that though. What romantic thing have you ever done for anyone?

A: Why are you so cynical? Hasn’t anyone ever done anything romantic for you?

P: Romantic, I don’t think I could say that anyone has. And I have been with my share of boys and men. Surprisingly none of them have ever done anything to sweep me off my feet. Sometimes I think I do not inspire them to. Do you think it’s essential that the girl brings that out in the man?

A: If there is fondness and love then I would presume that the romantic side automatically comes out.

P: This time I am in love and yet there is no romance (says it feeling terribly sad) Anyway so tell me what exactly is this romantic gesture you are talking about.

A: We had known each other since school, that is where our romance started and blossomed ( smiles to himself) So on our anniversary I dressed in my school uniform, oiled my hair, carried a school bag and bottle and marched to her house. Rang the bell and waited for her to open the door. When she did, she was dumbfounded I think. She just spent two minutes looking at me and then burst out laughing. I am sure I was a sight, imagine me in shorts, that were short, a school bag and bottle. But I was happy, I saw her laugh and it was the most beautiful warm feeling ever.

P: (eyes almost moist) WOW!! Now that certainly is innovative and awesome. (Silence for a few seconds and then ‘P’ suddenly speaks) But you said you weren’t seeing anyone right? Oh, gosh! Why?? I mean after all this why?

A: Well, I do not have an answer to why, but do know that it probably wasn’t meant to happen ( says it with a sense of rejection)

( ‘A’ takes the glass from ‘P’ and walks towards the lady and pays her for the chai)

‘A’ and ‘P’ start walking back to the bench in complete silence. ‘P’ is thinking of what could have happened between ‘A’ and the girl and ‘P’ is thinking about what happened after she had finished laughing that night seeing him the school uniform.

P: maybe inappropriate to say this, but if I were the girl you did that for I certainly would not have let go of you. That is certainly the nicest thing I have heard a guy do for any girl.

A: What makes you think she left me? ( says it in a tone which almost scares ‘P’ )

P: OH ( looks at ‘A’ with a little anger now)

A: So what’s it like being in love?

P: I think more than being in love, I just like to claim that I am. Not sure why. I have always hated being alone, I need to talk to someone at night before I hit the bed, need to be given that hug, need to be told that I am special. Is that love? I really don’t know. Am happy, I smile a lot more now. Have given up thinking about it. Just happy living the moment.

A: As long as you are happy, it’s all good.

( ‘A’ looks at his watch and realizes it’s been a little more than three hours since his conversation with ‘P’ started)

A: I have just spent over three hours talking to you. It’s almost 3:30am.

P: Oh, we should wait until 4:00am and then make a wish.

A: What?? What did you just say? Make a wish?

P: Oh, ya it is something that we used to do when in college. Stay up the entire night and then at 4:00am, we would all huddle up and make a wish and then fall into bed and sleep like babies.

A: Strange, but maybe I should try making a wish. Did it work? Ever?

P: I would like to believe it did, atleast 3 out of 10 wishes came true, so might be worth making a wish tonight. (Smiles at ‘A’)

A: Ok, so we have another 28 odd minutes to go before that moment of making a wish. What do you want to do?

P: Let’s walk till then.

A: Ok

(They both walk in silence, each one looking their watches every few seconds. Doing so very discreetly, trying to act cool and not like either of them is waiting to make that wish)

(The time seemed to suddenly go in slow motion, every second was killing ‘A’. Somehow making a wish seemed like the most important thing to do at this moment. )

‘P’ finally breaks the silence by humming…

A: You sing?

P: I learnt you know, for a year. Then one fine day my music teacher just didn’t show up for class and since then I have been teacherless.

A: (laughing  at what ‘P’ just said) Teacherless, is that even a word??

P: You understood what I wanted to say, so lets just say teacherless is a word.

A: Sing ( it was almost like an order rather than a request)

P: Now?? No no, I hardly sing when anyone is around. It’s mostly just for myself that I sing. Don’t have a great voice or anything.

A: I should decide that, so why don’t you sing, or maybe just hum.

( ‘P’ starts humming, but is humming very softly and ‘A’ moves closer to hear what ‘P’ is humming)

( Once ‘A’  realizes what song ‘P’ is humming, ‘A’ joins in and soon they are both humming the tune and walking into the sunrise)

P: It’s almost 4:00 am, we should make a wish

( ‘A’ and ‘P’ close their eyes and silently make a wish)

(‘A’ finishes making the wish first and opens his eye to find ‘P’ mumbling something with her eyes closed. ‘A’ waits for her to finish)

P: So, what did you wish for?

A: I’m not supposed to tell you, I was told if I did then it won’t come true ( after saying this ‘A’ bursts out laughing)

P: I almost missed a heart beat when you said that, thank god you were joking. Somehow a man saying that sounds very gay to me. And I don’t feel you are gay. So……..

A: ( Looking taken aback by this sudden turn in the conversation) GAY??? Where did that come from even? Ofcourse I am not gay ( almost sounding defensive)

P: Yes yes, which is what I said, you don’t seem like that…. ( says it mockingly and proceeds to playfully box ‘A’’s arm)

A: ( still thinking about why ‘P’ even mentioned gay) why did you say that?

P: Say what ( completely oblivious to the fact that ‘A’ was a little offended about the gay bit)

A: the gay thing…..

P: Oh my god!! Will you let that go, it was just a joke.

A: Hmmmm. OK. ( Sees a billboard which has a hot woman trying to sell some mineral water) ( ‘P’ catches ‘A’ looking at the woman in the billboard)

P: Now I am sure that there is absolutely no signs of any gayness in you ( says this laughing all the while)

A: ( is looking extremely uncomfortable and uneasy now) ( looks straight at ‘P’) What if I am? Does that mean you stop having this conversation with me? Or that the conversation we have been having over the last few hours changes in any way?

P: ( completely caught off guard) ( almost stammering) No… it does not change anything. I would be a little uneasy maybe, actually I am not sure how I would react. I do not have friends like that.

A: Like that. That isn’t a very nice thing to say…

P: ( feeling uncomfortable with the way the conversation was turning) ( looks at her watch and is fiddling with it) it’s late, I mean it’s almost morning. I need to get back and also get started with my day…. Have so many things to finish today. Sometimes I really wish we had more time in a day you know. 24hours never seem to be enough. ( ‘P’ just kept talking) ( kept talking to hide the unease in her voice)

A: I should be going as well; I have the keys to my apartment and have locked my room mates in actually.
( and just like that ‘A’ and ‘P’ turn around and walk towards their apartments) ( ‘A’ thinking of what he would have for breakfast and ‘P’ thinking of the million things that had to be done during the course of the day)

iF oNlY…

The most painful part of a fight was sleeping apart, on either end of the bed. I knew if I probably turned around and inched up towards Hemant he would hold me tight. My ego was unfortunately too big for that to happen. I had a rough day at home and the last thing I needed was for Hemat to tell me that the house looked a mess. I hated it when he returned from work and started straightening the room; it made me feel like I did not do a good job at keeping the house well. I spent all my time in house-keeping; I was a full-time house maker and was extremely proud of it. All i wanted was a few words of appreciation from the husband to tell me that the house looked nice, the food i cooked tasted good, the flowers in the gardened were blooming well or even that the clothes were well ironed and stacked in his cupboard, instead of any of this, what I got was criticism. Criticism about how the food could be a little less spicy, the flowers could be well-trimmed, the house could look better or even that the shirts could be hung on hangers instead of being folded and kept in the cupboard.

I loved Hemant too much to let any of this get to me. I continued to do what I did with a broad smile and hoped that some day he would appreciate me and my worth.  I had cooked his favourite meal the night we fought. I had spent almost 4 hours standing in the kitchen and frying those crisp vada’s. I got out my best table mats, pulled out the fine china ware I had stored safely bubble wrapped and also ensured that I lit all the candles I could find.  After I was completely satisfied with my work, I got ready taking my own sweet time in draping my saree and ensuring that my hair was neatly braided. I It was 7:15pm by the time I was done with everything, I waited for Hemant to return. He would be happy to see me like this, I was waiting for him to ring the bell and waited to be swept into his arms.

Soon it was 7:45pm and there was no sign of Hemant. I waited another 15 odd minutes before I decided to send a message asking when he would be back. I got no reply for that message either and continued waiting. At 8:30pm my phone finally beeped, I felt a tear roll out of my eye after I read the msg. Hemant wouldn’t be home for dinner and asked me not to wait up for him. I felt so much pain that I burst out crying. I got up slowly and went around blowing the candles out. I looked at the table which I had painstakingly laid out for Hemant. I wanted to break everything that lay on the table, better sense prevailed and I just picked everything and took it into the kitchen. I didn’t feel like eating, I changed into my house gown and got into bed. I fell asleep feeling wretched and betrayed.

I remember Hemant coming into the room; he quietly changed and got into bed. I wish he would reach out for me and hold me tight. I wish he felt the same way I did. Before I knew it, it was morning. Another day had begun. We hardly spoke that morning; I made Hemant his breakfast and packed him his lunch as well. I had a doctor’s appointment and was hoping to ask Hemant to drop me off. “I need to go to Dr. Hemalatha’s clinic, can you drop me please?” “I am going the other way Kanika, why don’t you get a cab to take you?” I had hoped Hemant would drop me, but didn’t say a word. Hemant left to work by 8:30am, I got ready and left soon after that. It was a routine check up that I was going for and yet I felt this funny feeling in the pit of my stomach that morning.

I got out of my building and hailed an auto. I told him where I wanted to go and sat back. I seemed to be lost and didn’t bother to see what route was being taken. I was about ten odd minutes away from the clinic. The auto came to a halt at the signal. I hated days when i felt the tension between hemant and me, I pulled out my phone and begun typing a message out to him. “I hate fighting with you, I love you very much and will always love you Hemant.” I played with the send button for a few seconds before I sent it out. As we waited at the signal, the auto driver suddenly turned around looked at me and walked out of the auto. I wasn’t sure what he was doing, I kept looking at him as he walked away from the auto and crossed the road. That was the last image I saw. Seconds later the auto I was in blew up…………….

As my body was being torn into million pieces, Hemant read my message and smiled. Even in death I left him with a smile.

Section 15 of the Hindu Succession Act, 1956

The Law Commission of India has recommended to the Centre to amend Section 8 of the Hindu Succession Act to include “Father” under Class I heir of the deceased male along with son, daughter, widow and mother. At present “Father” is included only under Class II heir.

This suggestion made by the Law Commission comes at a time when women groups all over are fighting for the rights of women to be protected and upheld. However Section 15 of the Hindu Succession Act, 1956 also poses an anomaly which must be removed in order to ensure that the property of woman who dies intestate also devolves equitably as in the case of a male intestate.

Section 8 of the Hindu Succession Act, 1956 reads as follows:-

8. General rules of succession in the case of males – The property of a male Hindu dying intestate shall devolve according to the provisions of this Chapter-

(a) firstly, upon the heirs, being the relatives specified in class 1 of the Schedule.

(b) secondly, if there is no heir of class I, then upon the heirs, being the relatives specified in class II of the Schedule.

(c) thirdly, if there is no heir of any of the two classes, then upon the agnates of the deceased, and

(d) lastly, if there is no agnate, then upon the cognate of the deceased.

THE SCHEDULE to the Act sets out the different classes for the purpose of Section 8.

Section 15 of the Hindu Succession Act, 1956 reads as follows :-

15. General rules of succession in the case of female Hindus.- (1) The property of a female Hindu dying intestate shall devolve according to the rules set out in section 16,-

(a) firstly, upon the sons and daughters (including the children of any pre-deceased son or daughter) and the husband.

(b) secondly, upon the heirs of the husband.

(c) thirdly, upon the heirs of the father, and

(d) fourthly, upon the heirs of the father, and

(e) lastly, upon the heirs of the mother.

(2) Notwithstanding anything contained in sub-section (1),-

(a) any property inherited by a female Hindu from her father or mother shall devolve, in the absence of any son or daughter of the deceased (including the children of any pre-deceased son or daughter) not upon the other heirs referred to in sub-section (1) in the order specified therein, but upon the heirs of the father, and

(b) any property inherited by a female Hindu from her husband or from her father-in-law shall devolve, in the absence of any son or daughter of the deceased (including the children of any pre-deceased son or daughter ) not upon the other heirs referred to in sub-section (1) in the order specified therein, but upon the heirs of the husband.

A case dealing with the devolution of the property belonging to a Hindu woman after her death is pending before the Hon’ble High Court of Madras at Chennai in W.P. No. 19942 – 19944 of 2002.

The short facts necessary for proper understanding of the case are as follows:-

1.      Dr. Kalyani, a medical practitioner by profession was married to Dr. Ramachandran in the month of August 1997. This was an arranged marriage which was arranged by the parents of both Dr. Kalyani and Dr. Ramachandran.

2.      Dr. Kalyani was a meritorious student and was also well respected as a doctor. However, after her marriage with Dr. Ramachandran she was forbidden to continue working. She was also subjected to physical and mental torture from her husband, her in-laws and also the immediate family of her husband. Due to her family pressure she was forced into taking leave from her work for almost 1 ½ years.

3.      Dr. Kalyani and Dr. Ramachandran had a baby girl whom they named Keerthana. Keerthana was born in the year 1998. There was no change in the behaviour of Dr. Ramachandran or his family members even after the birth of Keerthana.

4.      Dr. Kalyani was murdered by Dr. Ramachandran on 14-12-2000.  Dr.Ramachandran being a doctor had ready access to medicines and injections; therefore Dr. Ramachandran administered certain poisonous injection which killed Dr. Kalyani.

5.      Therefore upon the death of Dr. Kalyani, the property devolved upon Keerthana and Dr. Ramachandran (by virtue of being covered under Section 15(1)(a)). However, Dr. Ramachandran would be disqualified under Section 25 of the Hindu Succession Act for having murdered Dr. Kalyani.

6.      Dr. Ramachandran did not stop at this and two days later, on 16-12-2000 administered his two year old daughter, Keerthana with the same injection and killed her as well. Subsequently he committed suicide.

7.      Dr. Kalyani, by virtue of being a doctor had accumulated certain wealth and a small amount of savings as well. The question which has come up now is regarding the devolution of Dr.Kalyani’s  property, which devolved upon Keerthana after the death of Dr. Kalyani.

8.         As far as Keerthana is concerned she left behind her father Dr.Ramachndran who is the heir under section 15(1)(c) since she did not have any of the 15 (1) (a ) and (b) heirs.  However, Dr. Ramachandran would be disqualified under Section 25 of the Hindu Succession Act for having murdered his wife. Keerthana did not have a mother on the day of her death. In the absence of 15 (1)(a) ,(b) and (c) heirs  reference should be made to 15 (1)( d ).

9.         Section 15 (1) (d) of the Hindu Succession Act lays down that the property will devolve upon the heirs of the father.

10.       However the contention raised in the writ petition  is that since Dr. Ramachandran is debarred from having any right over the property by virtue of killing Dr. Kalyani and his daughter Keerthana, it would also essentially imply that his heirs would also be debarred from inheriting the property.

11.       Even assuming that Dr.Ramachandran was not guilty of murdering his wife and daughter and did not suffer the disqualification under section 25 of the Act even then it is unreasonable to give preference to the paternal grandparents or heirs of the father when the property which devolved on   Keertahna,  in this case was the self earnings of Dr.Kalyani. Hence when a female Hindu inherits property from her mother then on her death the property should devolve only on the heirs of the mother  and  not on the heirs of the father since the female did not get any property from the father

History of the enactment of the Act

• · The Act was introduced in the year 1956, when the role of woman was restricted to domestic work alone.
• · Women during the period when the Act was introduced had no source of external income whatsoever.
• · The only source of income was by way of gifts which was given to her at the time of marriage by her parents, husband and his family.
• · India was basically an agrarian society in the early 50’s and the majority of our population was dependant on agriculture. The scope and avenues for women to work outside their homes was negligible.
• · However, over the years this has changed drastically and women today are professionals and earn equal to if not more than men.

The United Nations Report in 1980 presented that:

“Women constitute half the world’s population, perform nearly two-thirds of its hours, receive one tenth of the world’s income and less than one-hundredth of the property”.

Even though women constitute half the world’s population, when it comes to issues relating to property they are discriminated against.

These changes in law relating to succession may be called as of radical nature considering the traditional and pre codified Hindu Law. Inspite of many, long desired changes the enactment is still infected with various lacunas, discriminatory in nature, supporting the perpetuation of inequality on the basis of sex, much against the mandate of the Constitution.

In light of the circumstances stated above it is imperative that section 15  of the Hindu Succession Act is amended as follows :

Proposed changes to Section 15 of the Hindu Succession Act are as follows:-

1.         Section 15 of the Act only allows for property of a Hindu female dying intestate to devolve upon her mother and father, when none of the heirs as mentioned under sub-section (1) clause (a) and under (b) are existing.

Argument behind the proposed change: If the property belongs to the female and she dies leaving behind property  then it must be ensured that the parents ( mother and father) of the female are given an equal right over such property  along with her children and husband ( Section 15(1) (a) ) The amendment must be such that clauses (d) and (e) are merged and read as one clause.

OR the property of the Hindu female dying intestate must devolve in the following manner:

(d)  upon the heirs of the father  if the property was inherited from the father , and upon the heirs of the mother  if the property was inherited from the mother .

Or  in the alternative upon the heirs of the father and upon the heirs of the mother equally.

Significance to the present case: Keerthana is the owner of the property, who died intestate. The question which is being raised is whether the property would devolve upon her mother’s parents or her father’s parents. The fact that her father is disqualified from getting the property should therefore also be a bar against the father’s parents from acquiring the property upon Keerthana’s death. Therefore the contention put forth in the writ petition is that the property of Keerthana should devolve upon Keerthana’s maternal grand parents.

2.   Section 15 of the Act recognises as legal heirs only the following:

a. Sons and daughters (including the children of any of the pre-deceased son or daughter) and the husband;

Argument behind the proposed change: Drawing an analogy from Section 8 of the Act wherein the Law Commission has made suggestions to included Father under Class I heirs it can be said that under Section 15 (1) (a) the heirs of the female should also come to include the parents of the female instead of they being third in the line of succession.

Significance to the present case: It is important that the parents of the women are put on the same pedestal as the parents of the father. Given that women today earn a living and are owner’s of property in their own right, it is imperative that the women’s parents are also given an equal right to succeed to the property which she leaves behind at the time of her death. There should be no anomaly or discrepancies in terms of the line of succession.

3.     Section 15 of the Act makes provisions ‘specifically’ for the succession of the property of a female dying intestate.

Argument behind the proposed change: Section 8 of the Act lays down the line of succession for a male who dies intestate. However, the anomaly in Section 15 of the Hindu Succession Act is that it goes against the basic feature of the Constitution, which guarantees equality to all. Section 15 of the Act must therefore be repealed and Section 8 must include and apply to both male and female who die intestate thus upholding Article 14 of the Constitution.

THE SCHEDULE under the Act must come to include under Class I along with “father”, “widower” in order to establish the line of succession in an equitable manner. This will not only negate the anomalies but also bring about uniformity in the manner in which property of a Hindu who dies intestate devolves.

Thus it is not just essential but also the need of the hour to amend or repeal Section 15 of the Hindu Succession Act.

P.S. The Law Commission has now taken this matter up suo-moto and has made similar recommendations.

dArK

Today was a very special day for me; I wanted everything to be perfect. I was amazed at myself for having woken up way before the alarm went off. In and out of the shower in less than ten minutes and on my way to Richa’s house. Richa – my friend, philosopher and guide in every sense of the word. I don’t remember a time before we became friends and cannot imagine a life without her. It was Richa’s wedding in less than 48 hours from now and there was so much more to finish. I had packed my bags for the next two days and was on my way to help her mother through the wedding frenzy. Richa was getting married to this amazingly good-natured and affable Doctor. I couldn’t have been happier than I was already. With not much traffic this wonderful morning, I sped through the Delhi roads and got to Richa’s place in a record 13 minutes. I dashed into her room and saw her fast asleep, i was so tempted to wake her up but decided to be sweet and make her some good tea instead. I tip-toed out of her room and went down towards the kitchen.

The house was abuzz with activities; there were baskets of flowers strewn around, coloured cloth and laces, trays of dry-fruits and sweets and about a dozen sarees that had to be packed. Whoever said arranging a wedding was easy. I found Sarita aunty and sneaked up behind her and gave her a warm hug, she turned around in fright but the minute she saw me she smiled the smile that melted hearts. She held me for a minute and kissed me on my forehead. “Oh, thank god you are here beta”. I smiled and held her hand reassuringly. I saw a small tear fighting to roll down her cheek. I knew the angst and pain she was going through, Richa was not only her daughter but the reason for everyone’s smile in the house. She was something else. Suddenly Sarita aunty looked at me and said, “ Beta tu kab shaadi karegi?”. I laughed it off and said, “Aunty, abhi tho bahut time hain. I have so much more to do”. “Let me go wake up your darling princess now Aunty”. I could hear Sarita aunty mumbling under her breath about my marriage as I walked into the kitchen.

I quickly made the tea and went up again. “Good morning my darling friend, rise and shine”, I said as I placed the tray near the bed. Richa purred like a cat and slowly sat up in bed and smiled. “I still cannot believe that you are getting married. It’s all actually happening”. “Is everyone downstairs going mad yet, if they aren’t already mad that is”, asked Richa and burst out laughing. “Oh everyone is extremely sane”, I said. I quickly checked my watch. I had to leave for the airport in twenty odd minutes to pick up our friends who were flying down from London for the wedding. I had a packed day ahead of me, airport then drop then at the hotel, lunch with everyone, rehearsals for the sangeeth, parlour, pick up the contingent again from the hotel and drive to the venue. I was up for it. We chit chatted for a while and then it was time to brace myself for the day ahead. I left Richa’s house and drove towards the airport.

I was looking forward to meeting everyone, this would be the first wedding since we all graduated, there was so much to catch up on. This was going to be one big party. I was feeling happy. I pulled into a parking slot at the airport and walked up to the arrival area. I loved coming to airports, I loved watching people at airports- the tears, smiles, sadness, hugs and warmth. It was always a treat to be at the airport. A few minutes later there was squealing, screaming, hugs, back slaps and smiles all around. I was truly happy to see them all in my city. I drove them to the place where they were all going to be staying, after helping them put get settled i left for my next work.

I drove to the venue where the sangeeth was scheduled to take place that evening, I finished all the last minute checks and headed to Richa’s house again. Once I got to Richa’s place everything was a crazy rush. People were all over, Richa was getting her make-up done, the house helps were loading the cars with baskets of sweets and dry fruits and gifts for the guests. I got myself lost in this wedding frenzy as well. Before i knew it we were on our way to the venue. I seemed to have lost track of when the evening begun and when it ended. All I remember was lying on bed that night and sleeping the minute my head sunk into the pillow.  I woke up to find Richa awake; she stood in the balcony with her cup of tea and was glowing. I had never seen a prettier bride. We spent the next half an hour standing in the balcony talking; we spoke of our crushes, of college, of what life held for us in the future and the wedding. I would certainly miss her once she was married and gone. Just as we finished our tea, Richa’s mother walked in and whisked Richa away to get her ready.

In the next two hours, frenzy continued and we out of the house and in the mandap.  I stood beside Richa through her big day and saw her get married to the man of her dreams. Cried with her and her mother when she was leaving and going away with her husband and then stayed with her parents and helped them out. It was almost 11pm as I left the mandap and drove home. It was a bitter-sweet feeling, i was happy and sad all at once. Happy that Richa was married and sad that she was gone. I drove in silence, didn’t bother switching on the radio. The only noise I made was when i honked as I neared the building. The watchman swung the gate open and smiled at me. I reluctantly smiled and drove past him. I parked and walked into the foyer, towards the lift. I got into the lift and saw myself in the mirror, I smiled at myself. I pulled out my keys and opened the door to my humble abode. I stepped into my house and felt that feeling i felt every night when i returned home. I had returned to emptiness, i had returned to darkness.

wAiT

I waited in the balcony, puffing away at the cigarette, after a point of time I was surrounded by a cloud of smoke and could hardly even look at anything before me. The wait was killing me. I had planned this day for weeks now, meticulously planned every detail of it. I even planned on what I would say when I opened the door, practiced my look in the mirror for hours. Even tried on 11 different sets of clothes and then decided which one I was to wear. It was going to be a big day for me, and I wanted to be completely prepared for it. I had already spent a good 45 minutes standing in the balcony and by the look of things would probably have to stand there and wait for another 45 minutes. I watched as the traffic on the main road inched slowly towards its destination. I could hear the horns and the engines and if I strained my ear could even hear a child wailing somewhere in that traffic. I wished I could be anywhere but where I was at the moment. In spite of preparing myself so much I did not want to face this day or the moment which I would soon have to face. I stared at my cigarette which was almost getting over; I needed to get another one soon. I walked into my room and frantically started looking for it. It bugged me that I was resorting to smoking. I was looking for solace and support in a cigarette, how pathetic was I. I rummaged through the innumerable files which lay strewn all over my bed, in the urgency to find that one cigarette I even pushed some files off my bed . I didn’t seem to care that I was creating a mess, didn’t seem to care that my official papers might get misplaced, didn’t seem to care that I was going insane, didn’t seem to care about anything anymore. I wondered and looked at myself with amazement; I was never like this before, I’d never found myself being flustered and jittery. It was an important day, maybe not important but crucial it was. An idle mind is certainly a playground, and I could feel the football going from one end to the other. It was hurting me now; it felt like the football wanted to jump out of my head. I could not take the pain anymore, I needed to pop in a disprin to ease the pain, which meant I would have to search for my medicine kit and source out that disprin strip. The thought of searching again was putting off, I decided to try and forget the pain and just distract myself. Music always did wonders in easing my mind. I switched on the television in the hope that I could watch some meaningless television and numb my mind. The minute I switched on the television, i heard the doordarshan tune, before I could swap the channel the advertisement caught my attention. I sat staring at the advertisement and felt the tears stream down my cheek. How could I let myself be so foolish, what was I thinking, this would now change everything. It almost felt like the end was nearing. I had nowhere to go and no one to turn to. I had never felt so much shame before; I had acted in haste and was repenting now. I, who had always believed in being morally correct was today in this situation and did not know how to get out of it. And then the door bell rang, i ran to open the door. Suddenly all my planning seemed to slip away from me. I could not seem to remember what I had planned on saying after opening the door, forgot the look I had practiced over and over again. I opened the door and fell into his arms. Everything felt correct, everything felt normal. Only I knew that what lay ahead was not going to be normal or peaceful or correct. He seemed taken aback; never before had I ever sprung on him after opening the door. He seemed concerned, I wasn’t sure how long that concern was going to last. He ran his fingers through my hair, asked me to stop crying and talk to him. I couldn’t get myself to even look at his face. We walked in to the house, all the while I clung on to him and could not get myself to leave his arm. I finally let go and sat next to him on the sofa. After what seemed like eternity I looked up at his face, he was by far the most handsome man I had ever seen in all my 32 years of existence. His jaw was chiseled, his cheek bones just perfect, his lips were so luscious and just looking at them brought back a million romantic memories. Working on that opening line for days was of absolutely no use, it felt like someone had taped my mouth shut. I felt parched and uneasy and queasy and sick all at once. I wished he would say something, ask me something, maybe then I would be able to speak. He didn’t, he sat there and held me tight and kept stroking my hair. It felt so good, his hand against my skin felt beautiful. I could stay like that forever, but not now, I had important things to do and had to do it now. And then just like that he kissed my forehead, and I melted. He knew what that did to me. His breath on my skin always sent shivers down my spine, I fit in so well into his frame, it felt like I was made for him. His hands were like magic on my skin, it felt like a million tiny butterflies were fluttering around me, and he knew all that. I had told him innumerable times. Just like I had told him how much I loved him a million times. Then why? Then why did I have to cry today, if I really did love him as much as I thought I did, why had I done what I had? Why hadn’t it occurred to me that it would lead to this confusion and mess. Three days ago I was met someone through a common family friend. I was after all of marriageable age and was being talked about in the marriage market. He was a pilot; he earned a handsome salary and was slated to go places. The meeting was cordial, I didn’t see anything coming out of it. I didn’t even meet him with the intention that something would happen and yet something did happen. He asked me to marry him and I accepted. Three days hence, here I was half lying on this man’s chest whom I loved so dearly, but whose love wasn’t strong enough to overpower the comforts and luxury that the new life held. I had to move on, it was time….. my wait had ended.

aNd iT aLl cRuMbLeD

It took me 15 years to get to the position I was at. Mrs. Vyjanti Iyer – Sales and Marketing head IHC. In these 15 years I had made a family; given birth to a boy, who was extremely smart and handsome and had done well for myself personally. I was the proud owner of a well-kept house in Boat Club Road, boasted of being a member at almost all the clubs in Chennai and was always invited to the best social do’s in the city. My husband, Dr. Shyam Iyer, was equally if not more successful. He headed the cardiology department at Apollo Hospitals. Ours was an arranged marriage which had worked out well for the two of us. Neither of us had the time to fall in love and when we were gently pushed into this arranged set-up, we very gladly agreed to it.

The first two years of being married was a struggle. Contrary to what people say about the first few years. My life had different things to offer. It took me two years to establish that I would be working, and that work was extremely important to me. My husband, Shyam, soon got so busy climbing the success ladder in the hospital that what I did stopped mattering. I couldn’t thank god more for that. I got pregnant in my fourth year of marriage. I remember that year being the longest year of my life. I was advised complete rest since there were not less than a million complications with my pregnancy. From gestational diabetes  to morning sickness to irritation to bloating, I had it all in abundance.

I was more than happy to finally have delivered my son on 8^th October 1984. Another few months and I would be able to resume work; I would be back on the social circuit and back to living my life. My son was an angel. I never had trouble with him, he seemed to sense how busy and important our work was and was completely independent from as early as when I can remember. I was ever thankful for the  amazing set of in-laws I had.  Not only did they live close by but they were always offering to look after my son. He spent most of his time with them, stayed there, ate there, studied there, fell ill there, had his first fall there, his first word was uttered there, his first step was taken there, he burped there for the first time.

I cannot take away the fact that as parents we were always there for our son, we attended all his school functions, parent –teacher meets, his annual school events, school anniversaries and exhibitions. All of it. We were proud parents and walked with that pride. Our son never let us down. He was exceptionally good at class, a pro in sports and was such a talented writer. He wrote with such honesty and clarity. He wasn’t a very demanding child, he was happy with himself. He was always doing something or attending some class. He was the envy of all the other mothers and my bundle of joy. I tried to juggle with everything I had on my plate. We ensured that we ate together as a family atleast thrice a week. I enjoyed cooking, but my work never left me with enough time to cook. The family dinners were special to me; they gave me time with my son. I  asked about school, his friends, his day and everything else. Shyam and I worked very hard to provide our son with the best of everything. I had these momentary guilty pangs, when I felt that I didn’t spend as much time with my son, when I saw the other mothers so involved and clued in about everything that was happening in their child’s life. I tried very hard; I gave it my best shot.

As the years passed by, I grew busier and busier. The family dinners reduced the interaction between us as a family declined and so did the time I spent in the country. There were some lonely nights I spent thinking about my son and family. I lay awake for hours together in hotels thinking of all that I had possibly missed back at home; thinking of what my son had eaten for breakfast, thinking of whether or not his school uniform was well ironed, thinking of what he did after school, before I knew it I would fall asleep. The morning would again be a mad rush, meetings, dead-lines, lunches and networking.

After putting in 28 long years into the company, it was time for me to call it a day. I wasn’t sure if I was relieved or sad that my work was coming to an end. So much had happened in these years. My son was a well recognised novelist, my husband was no more, my bank balance ran into figures that I could not even begin to fathom and my life had become monotonous. I had to come to terms with this sudden change and it was going to take a lot of time for me to get used to this idleness.

On 16^th September 2007, my son’s new book was being released at the Tag Centre. I was looking forward to it keenly. I walked in to the hall a proud mother on the outside but a nervous and insecure mother in the inside. I didn’t know my son, I wasn’t there when he grew up, never saw his bruises, never signed his report card, never packed his lunch. I walked in with all these emotions. The function started at 6:30pm, as scheduled. The book was released by a noted historian. I was handed a copy and as I opened the first page, tears rolled down my cheek. I sat there in the first row and cried. I wasn’t sure what I was feeling. I read and re-read the lines again and again.

It said – I dedicate this book to my mother, my mother who sacrificed so much for me, my mother who worked relentlessly to make me who I am, my mother who is my biggest support, my mother who means the world to me.